The Ambition or Inhibition?

Well my ambition has gotten me this far, far from my friends that I miss so, drinking and smoking out, having fun and exchanging stories here and there. Life is full of mysteries, and I still have to uncover them all, time heals all wounds, yet we begin to contemplate the what if's and the what nots. Only a man would know his comfort zone, and only a man would know if he cannot handle eating and studying in a crowd. We have to be merciful in all aspects I guess... Yeah i'm a guessing man, maybe that's why I rarely gamble, only with my friends over poker, hehe! Well, I guess I LOVE the simple lifestyle, I hate complaining... so I would rather read the newspaper. Getting married would give you more responsibility... are you ready to take this on? are you sure you can? Damn, once you have uncovered how to make a Starwars Death star... you might just get to make one... but is your quality of life so Megamind to comprehend? Well I guess all i want to say is that the further we dream, the better the world should get... but NO... that is not how the hierarchy and oligarchies gave it planned for the sustainability of the country. We should be afraid of the risks, yet be men to take them on... like the rest of things we have in our bucket lists. Development should be slow, and built on the dreams of engineers and astuteness and research of lawyers in the fields. I guess I should try looking for work for the MAN... yet the MAN who understands that he also has to help out the lower rungs of society, in a wellness haven of opportunities and capacities in which they can alleviate their current situation; hence only being a better part of the quality of society. I want to be a painter, a poet and a dreamer. I would like to take over my mom's business, it's small and we do furniture, sell antiques and melancholy new wave chic items while providing the flavor of history's past. I feel like an alien at times, too discreet to fit in, yet too obvious to the glories and love... I still love being myself, even if I have to find this body, and respect it like Jesus would. Am i the son of my father, should I reflect on my past indiscretions, of opportunities lost and capabilities which I could have been making lots and lots of money on... yeah fool yourself, you are only as good as your word... yet I am Ali Baba, the man with words and a mind that runs on people's fears and joy. I am indeed ignorant, yet I will try with my best living my simple lifestyle. Is that how man should feel, to feel his real actualization and act according to his vices... that which I shall remove step by step... Am i a leech, a vampire, a werewolf, a frankenstein and a mummy? All "bee"ing pollinated and imprinted on my devious mind.. not allowing me to be me in the presence of my greatest and most lovable company. Am I am still not sure I am allowed in their circle, yet I guess I will love them even more, because that is the love which I receive in my home. You will see the truth, and the greatest answers in the eyes of the youth, every touch and every breath you make and every movement you do will affect others around you in astounding ways, it's like they can read minds... yeah it's real crazy... Bob Ong being a person who empowers me to write this weirdness on a blog. Yeah... free material, a window to my imagination, yet you would need to walk in my shoes like Johnny Walker to imagine how difficult and exciting life is. Everything presented to me is not of my own doing, yet from my own effort and ghist, even if such effort is only B-... I am still me and I long to have a simple life and provide joy to who every I may meet.. yet be humble and shy not to reveal all my dark secrets and buried heart. Home is where the birds sing, it's where you get random calls on birthdays which are simple yet special events to reconnect in time. I feel like a long way home, yet I will never know the opportunities of back there again, I am shy of greatness, yet my mind is too expensive to grasp. I forget to give way, and I do not think critically in front of my closest friends. I am indeed a "TUS" and all my sins are revealed in an instant due to my open nature and enclosed heart... yet sometimes the jackal comes out pag may atraso... o may tangkaso o tang ina.. pero kaso - aso ka! lol! the weirdness spreads yet again.

I recently bought a book, its a great hardbound architecture book with minimal living spaces that show how wonderful simple life can be. It has many solutions that can be adopted in our country, for small upscal houses or from incremental housing which Intramuros is beginning... yet is it safe to build such buildings in areas is another question. We are slaves to our sins and we are abrupt to give in to them, yet we are driven to move them forward, the reward is sometimes more responsibility which your heart cannot take, or would cost you for much more service.